


Pins and Needles

by jesthejester



Category: Hunter X Hunter
Genre: Assassination, Blood and Gore, Blood and Injury, Death, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Enemies to Lovers, Explicit Sexual Content, F/F, F/M, Friendship/Love, Gender-Neutral Pronouns, Genderfluid Character, Genderqueer Character, Implied Sexual Content, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Implied/Referenced Torture, Magic, Manga & Anime, Nen (Hunter X Hunter), Other, Poison, Romance, Slow Build, Slow Burn, Slow Romance, Violence
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-11-22
Updated: 2020-12-08
Packaged: 2021-03-09 22:48:27
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,639
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27663607
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jesthejester/pseuds/jesthejester
Summary: As a child abandoned in Meteor City, you lived the first couple of years in chaos. That is, until you are found and apprenticed as a poisoners assistant. Over the years you forget your past as you train to be a Conjurer, one who uses their Nen to create poisonous concoctions that rival even the master poisoners on the market. This powerful skill leads you to the Zoldyck's doorstep, hired by Silva Zoldyck to work with his eldest son, Illumi.
Relationships: Illumi Zoldyck/Original Character(s), Illumi Zoldyck/Reader
Comments: 8
Kudos: 40





	1. A Job Interview, Of Sorts

**Author's Note:**

> Hello! This is going to be a romance story between Illumi Zoldyck and a non-white androgynous character who uses they/them pronouns. There's not many of these out there so I figured I'd take the time to write one. This story will take place outside of the canonical timeline, by the way. Hope you enjoy!

# Pins and Needles

## A Job Interview, Of Sorts

### <Readers Perspective>

The heels you wear click ominously alongside the butlers against the polished hardwood as you enter the Zoldyck mansion. Your wary eyes soak up everything, from the number of rooms to the shadows the curtains make on the spotless floorboards, painfully aware that you might be witnessing the place of your death. Afterall, although few people have ventured up the mountainside in order to discover the truth about the infamous Zoldyck family, even fewer have lived to tell the tale. You never expected to be one of those people, but here you are, nearing the double doors that lead to Silva Zoldycks private room. Your palms sweat against the handle of your large briefcase, and the vials inside clatter gently. 

"Right this way," The nameless butler prompts, pushing open the massive doors to reveal the impressive blue-lit room. You hardly notice, your line of sight going straight to the stoic face of Silva Zoldyck as he stands and nods in greeting. You bow your head in response, your heart thudding against your ribs. You will it to slow down, knowing the ears of an assassin pick up the slightest sounds. 

"Gotoh, you're no longer needed," Silva dismisses. "Come take a seat, we've much to talk about." He motions you towards an upholstered chair opposite from his and you sit down quietly. 

Both seated, you give each other a once over. He rests his elbow on his crossed legs and sets his face into the palm of his hand thoughtfully. 

"I have to be honest, you are certainly not what I was expecting when I heard of the talented poisoner living outside of city limits. Never before have I been so excited to inform my...colleagues that _you_ are who they were so threatened by," Silva chuckles, a wicked smile gracing his face. 

_He's underestimating me._ A frown flits across your mouth, something his quick eyes notice. 

"Ah, but that is not what you are here to talk about with me today, is it?" He sighs. "The Zoldyck family is in need of your expertise. I am willing to offer you a job here, with some conditions of course. First, you will tell no one of anything you have seen or will see within the confines of this property within your time here. Second, you will only be permitted to interact with Kikyo and I, as well as our two eldest sons. You will contact no one outside of those three with any form of communication. Lastly, you will stay within this property for the next 12 months, with no visits outside the grounds unless strictly permitted. Do you understand?"

Your eyes widen, your mind reeling. A job. _Breathe._ You won't die today. _Breathe._ What type of job? He didn't mention. You furrow your brow and speak for the first time since entering this place. 

"You ask if I accept, yet you have yet to mention what the job will entail." 

"Ah...silly me. I am hiring you to poison my eldest son. Mithridatism. I'm sure you've heard of it, considering your line of work. It's something the Zoldyck house familiarizes itself with, however new poisons come into existence every day, and the poisons we treated him with have grown obsolete. If he is to continue being an assassin, he will need your help catching his body up. You will of course, be rewarded heavily for your work. We can negotiate prices once you accept the conditions, but I assume you will be content with 100 million jenny per month?"

You blink, trying to keep your face blank. You're well aware of the practice of Mithridatism, however it's not common. You've dealt with clients who use the poisons you make to poison others, but clients who buy from you in order to slowly torture themselves just for the small amount of immunity that their body creates? That's something you hardly ever see. And for his immunities to grow obsolete...how old was he when they started their poisoning? You hold in a shudder as you feel the phantom taste of bile in the back of your throat. And 100 million jenny, that's over a billion jenny for 12 months of service. Your eyes slide up to meet his. There's a cold severity you find in them that sends a chill through your body. 

You clear your throat. "That price will be acceptable."

"I'm assuming you brought 10 milligrams of all the standard poisons I detailed in my letter, correct?"

You nod, tightening your grip on the large briefcase resting on your lap. When you had first set your eyes upon the letter that had arrived for you from the Zoldyck family, you had been sure that you would not live to see another day. However, instead of death, a polite albeit mildly threatening letter giving an invitation to the family estate is what you found. Within it were instructions for you to follow. It had said to bring nothing but a briefcase holding 10 mgs of the poisons that were currently on the market for being bought.

A slow smile fills his face. "Good. You'll start first thing tomorrow morning. No need to make the trip home tonight, we'll provide for whatever you need for your stay."

Your stomach drops as Silva Zoldyck stands and looks down on you with his cold gaze. His tone is light but the message is clear. You've agreed to the terms, and now you will be bound to this house for the next 12 months. Whatever goodbyes you could have wanted to give are irrelevant. For once you're grateful for the emptiness of your small house, glad no one will worry about your absence. 

He walks to the door and you follow quickly, taking one last look around the room before leaving. Your footsteps sound confident, but the way your blood pumps through your veins reveals your uncertainty. Gotoh is standing outside the doors and bows, motioning to walk with him. One last glance at Silva Zoldyck cements your fate as he shuts the door with an ominous thud. 

"Your room is this way, please follow me." The butler extends his arm down the hallway and then steps forward. You follow a step behind him, taking in every detail about your new home. You stop in front of a plain door and the butler hands you a silver key from out of his coat pocket. Stepping forward hesitantly, you place the key in the lock on the door handle and turn it, opening it to reveal a large bedroom, harboring a bed, desk and wide window leading onto a small balcony overlooking the far side of the house. You blow a small puff of air out in relief that the room wasn't some kind of torture chamber, or a bedroom piled with pink lace and creepy dolls. 

"Dinner will be brought to your room at 7:00 o'clock sharp."

"Thank you, I can take it from here I believe." You murmur, wandering farther into the room. Gotoh nods in return, and closes the door behind him gently. 

As soon as you hear the door shut your shoulders slump and you slide down to sit propped up against the bed frame. All of the nerves you pushed down buzz underneath your skin as you clench your eyes shut. _You're okay. You're alive._ You still remember the way your hands shook when you held that letter. In all your 20 and counting years of life you'd never felt a greater urge to pack up everything and run. You wonder if that would have not been a better alternative to what lies before you. Absentmindedly, your fingers drift down to your briefcase and pop it open. Your fingertips ghost over the individually organized vials, some filled with toxins you made just this morning. Seeing all your work laid out in front of you made your lips twist, although whether into a smile or a grimace you aren't sure. 

You may not look the part, but you play it well. Your technique rivals that of any other chemist who has spent his entire life cultivating his poisons. It was inevitable that some were threatened by your existence, but you had never imagined that your presence would ever reach someone so high up. Though being proud is not necessarily appropriate for your current situation, you still feel a grin pulling at your cheeks. You stand up and shut the case, placing it lightly on the dark covers of the bed and pulling out your watch. Only a few hours until your supposed dinner, and you have a lot of exploring to do. You bend down and look under the bed, but find only dust and no secret compartments. Next you travel to the large chest of drawers and look through them. There appears to already be clothes of various styles within it, all matching a similar size to your own. In the bathroom you find a large shower and tub, as well as a vanity filled with your favorite products. You shiver. How long have they been watching you? Long enough to know what you wear and what you use. You stop yourself from thinking about what they did to find that information. That fear is no use to you now.

* _Time Skip*_

You lay back in bed, staring up at the elegant curtains that line your bed frame. You didn't realize people actually owned these kinds of beds. Dinner has long since passed and your dishes have been cleared away, now all that remains is your thoughts. Sluggishly you stand up and pull out a pair of black silk pajamas, noticing they neglected to buy you a pair of sweatpants. You carefully fold your clothes from the day and slip into the new ones, climbing back into bed. Your mind itches to read, but you only brought your poisons. 

_Maybe they'll take requests_...you murmur as your eyelids droop and the dark room gives way for a night of dreams. 

_*Time Skip*_

You wake to a chilled breeze blowing through your room from the window you opened last night. Scrubbing your bleary eyes you slip out of bed and step out onto the balcony. You wipe the dried spit off the side of your mouth and blow out a breath of cloudy air. You feel like a mess after tossing and turning all night. The rest of the day stretches out in your mind with uncertainty. You make your way to the bathroom and wash your face, rubbing a bit of red lipstick around your lash line and lining your eyes with black. Your rifle through the drawers of your dresser and pick out a black turtleneck and trousers, pulling on a pair of black striped socks. 

Your door creaks open quietly and you step outside. You didn't think to check the time, but the house feels so empty at first glance that you hesitate. Extending your senses however you can tell there is movement within multiple rooms, as well as downstairs. Your socked feet make no noise as you slip downstairs, your braided hair swishing in the silence. You find yourself in a dining room occupied by two servants and a boy in a white button up, his slanted eyes squinting at you from the table. 

"Milluki, it's impolite to stare," A female voice chides. You take a step back. You didn't notice her presence at first. "Hello, my dear."

She must be Kikyo. She's wearing an extravagant dusty pink gown and a wide brimmed hat, but her head is wrapped delicately in bandages that conceal her face. You bow your head and take a seat at the table. Gotoh appears at your side with a breakfast parfait and coffee that you turn down politely. The minutes tick by and you eat quietly. The boy Milluki leaves without a goodbye, and you stand up to follow suit, sound of footsteps behind you making you halt. 

"Mother," A smooth voice greets from a couple feet behind your place at the table. You turn to see a tall man wearing a similar outfit to yours, the difference being his sports multiple shiny pins. His dark stare washes over you like a bucket of ice water.

"Who is this?" He asks pointedly, looking towards Kikyo. 

"Manners Illumi!" Kikyo's shrill voice says. 

_Illumi._ The eldest son. His eyes flit to meet yours, and he holds out his arm. You meet him halfway and shake his hand. His grip is startlingly strong, and his hands are chilled against yours.

"I'm a chemist. I'm here to dose you with various poisons, per your father's request." I explain, drawing my hand back to my side. 

"Ah. My father mentioned you. What is your name?" Illumi cocks his head, rubbing his palm. 

"You can call me Maz." 

"Is that your name?"

You study his face, trying to gage how to proceed. 

"No, it's not."

You don't give out your name. Even your most loyal clients refer to you as the chemist. Your letters have you listed as the keeper of your address. However, considering you will be living with this family, it seems polite to give them something more familiar to call you. Illumi seems to accept this answer.

"Follow me. We'll start in the training room." Illumi turns on his heel, his long dark hair fluttering against his top. You watch it with fascination before realizing he's started walking and you look slow. 

"Ah, can we stop by my room? I need to get my briefcase." 

Illumi nods solemnly and you two make the trip to your room, heading farther down the hallway to a large open room afterwards. You suddenly feel silly standing in your socks on the cold floor behind him, noticing he's wearing sleek black shoes that make him a good couple inches taller than you. You grit your teeth, trying to push away the feeling of being very unprepared. 

A bare table stands in the middle of the room, with 2 metal chairs on either side of it. Everything looks spotless, as if recently cleaned, and the room holds a slight bleach scent. You can see metal loops embedded in the wall where chains used to hang and you can imagine what this room was used for before today. You unload your vials carefully onto the table, setting them up in the order that you have planned to use them in based on severity of symptoms. Illumi stands over your shoulder, his breath just barely touching you. 

"They're not labeled," He notices. 

"I have them memorized."

You can feel his stare. You try not to be defensive. In his shoes you would be wary as well.

"Do you have a bucket and a washcloth stashed somewhere?" 

You latch your empty briefcase shut and push it out of the way as you wait for him to respond. 

"No. Why do you ask?" 

Crossing your arms, you turn around to face him.

"You'll need it."

* _End of Chapter 1*_


	2. A Change In Plans

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which you encounter a tense confrontation with Silva and Kikyo Zoldyck, and the irritating man named Illumi wears slippers.

# Pins and Needles

## A Change In Plans

### Readers Perspective

The cold metal bucket clangs loudly against the hard floor as you set it down, making you cringe. Taking a deep breath, you turn back to Illumi. 

"Take a seat. I'd like to go over some things before we start," You explain, motioning for Illumi to sit in the chair opposite yours at the table.

He sits down, crossing one leg over the other, setting his hand in his palm. _Just like his father._

Yet where Silva Zoldyck's gaze is icy and calculating, Illumi's eyes have a dark emptiness that makes you shift in your seat. You feel as if Illumi is watching, no, evaluating your every move. You clench your jaw, biting back the uneasiness that grips you. You spent all last night creating a detailed picture in your mind of how to conduct his training, now's not the time to act like a fool. He needs _you_ , not the other way around. 

"Your training was going to be using the standard mithridatism method, poisoning in small doses as your body adapted to the symptoms, while also studying modern poisons and poisoning techniques. This was to assure that you carry the knowledge and physical strength to either avoid ingesting poison or grapple with the effects. However your father has...requested some small changes to your training," You explain, hesitating before saying the rest. 

_*Flashback*_

Last night dinner had arrived at 7:00 o'clock just as Gotoh had said, but with it came an order to meet Silva in the dining hall to further discuss your role in the job that you had accepted. You found yourself eating slowly, trying to gather your thoughts. There was only so much you could drag your feet however, and before long you were seated once again beneath the eye of Silva Zoldyck. Your one relief was that he was accompanied by Kikyo. She was the first one to break the oppressive silence. 

"I heard from Silva that you were once an inhabitant of Meteor City," She announced, a slight air of warmth in her voice.

You stiffened. You were sure that you hadn't mentioned that. Though it was quite obvious they'd had people watching you, the thought of them knowing your past hadn't occurred to you. 

"Yes, I was."

"Well, we have that in common," Kikyo murmured, folding her gloved hands delicately in front of her. 

Your eyes widened. You had heard rumors but...

Silva cleared his throat. "I wasn't all that clear earlier today, and for that I apologize. I'm not interested in the concoctions you give to your clients. If I'd wanted that, I simply would have sent someone to buy from you. Illumi is plenty capable to further his training in that aspect, though I am quite interested in how you've managed to rise so quickly..." He had leaned forward in his chair, looking you dead in the eyes.

"Let me get to the point. I find the speculation around your...skills to be fascinating. It was surprisingly difficult to obtain concrete information about you, you know. Who knew it would all trace back such a compelling story," He chuckled. 

You felt the sharp prick of your nails against your palm. You didn't like where this was going. 

"A Conjurer who specializes in poison, yet never partakes in the poisoning. How intriguing. I want you to use your abilities on Illumi." There was a sharp glint in his eye that you didn't like. 

"Based on the vagueness of your curiosity, you have no idea what my abilities truly are. Isn't that a dangerous bargain?" You didn't bother forcing a polite tone as you spat out that question. They were willing to use their own son as a test dummy. 

"Then tell me. What are the effects of poison made of Nen? What promises, no. What _conditions_ did you make in order to land here, a master poisoner?"

Conditions. The basis of all truly powerful Nen abilities.

"Respectfully, those are personal questions."

"Then let us get personal," Kikyo interjected, her tone sharp.

"I'm not inclined to answer," You shot back, standing your ground. 

Kikyo stood with a start, leaning across the table to sneer at you, her nice act gone in a millisecond. "I could make you tell me. Do not act so high and mighty," She hissed. 

A tense atmosphere gathered in the room. You suddenly felt less relieved that she has accompanied Silva. _Shit. And you were off to such a great start,_ you thought wryly. After considering the pros and cons, you loosened your posture, sagging ever so slightly. She was right. You had no intention to get information tortured out of you. What did you even have to lose? You hated to admit it, but the money they had offered would set you up for the rest of your life. 

"Anything I conjure acts as it regularly would in the hands of others, but if administered directly by me it can be used many different ways. I can make mixtures no scientist would be able to replicate, ones so toxic you would die immediately if exposed to them, but they have no effect on me," You hesitated. You weren't lying, but you were stretching the truth a bit. They didn't need to know that, however.

"The Nen infused poison acts as a regular poison while also depleting and soaking up the victims Nen, rendering them completely helpless, as they cannot resort to physical strength. If I choose to, I can withdraw my poison from someone's body before or after their death."

Kikyo settled back into her chair, and Silva watched you with a dark sort of curiosity, as if you were an item that he wanted to add to his collection. It made you wish you had ran when you had the chance. After a moment of silence, Silva finally spoke. 

"I must say, you did not disappoint. I'm sure there are things you are not making known, but that can wait. I've decided you're going to use the last ability that you mentioned in your sessions with Illumi."

Ah. You had expected that he was going to choose that, but hearing it still made your eyebrows draw together. "Must I mention that that form of Mithridatism is extremely painful and hard on the body?"

You watched a smile flash across his face, and heard a tinkling laugh from beside him. 

"It will do him well to become stronger. I fear the antics of his brothers make him forget his place. He's become reckless."

 _No wonder the time frame is 12 months._ That type of dosing builds tolerance much slower than the usual Mithridatism, as it shocks your body over and over again, bringing your body to a place near death in order to build immunity. 

How cruel. 

_*End of Flashback*_

Remembering the sadistic glint in his father's eyes, you feel a soft sort of pity sitting before Illumi.

"Are you always this slow when explaining topics?" Illumi mutters, letting out an impatient sigh. 

_Hm. Would you look at that, it seems all my pity has disappeared._

" _No_ , I'm not. As I said your father requested a change. With your permission I will be conducting your training using one of my abilities, called _Waning Torment._ That allows me to perform a sort of shock therapy, dosing you with full amounts of toxins, and withdrawing the poison from your body at the last minute to provide a reprieve from death. Now, I can understand that this would mean putting a lot of trust in me so it's perfectly fine if you-"

"Okay."

"Okay?" You ask incredulously. 

"My father and mother both agreed to this, yes?"

You nod slowly.

"Then this is what is best for the Zoldyck family."

You study his face for any sign of uncertainty, but his gaze remains as unreadable as always. Such blind faith. You don't bother telling him it will be painful. How is he so certain? Anxiety churns in your stomach. The last time you used this on someone...you blink away the thought. 

"Well then. I guess that's dealt with. Stand up, I'd like to introduce you with the products you'll be familiarizing yourself with in the next couple of months."

You run your fingers along the rows of capped glass vials, momentarily distracted by the hum of aura churning inside them. You'd already decided what to start with. It would've been an easy choice, if you weren't the one giving it to him. Your normal poisons just kill. These ones...these ones are designed to cause immense suffering until death. A wave of vicious panic sets in, but you shove it to the side, clearing your throat. 

"We'll start with Thesinth, also known as _Touch of a Wraith._ Though it would still cause problems if injected into your bloodstream, this is generally given orally. Normally I would start by diluting it, but seeing as we're doing this differently I'm going to use a full milligram. Symptoms may include cold chills, vomiting, bruising skin, spotted vision and um, in extreme cases internal bleeding and death. If you're wondering, one milligram is what I would consider extreme so prepare yourself."

You stand in front of Illumi, holding out your hand and closing your eyes. You feel your aura bubbling up beneath your skin. Thesinth. You remember how that one felt. You imagine it all around you, the scentless liquid embracing you, and then focus that feeling in your palm. Bitter Embrace, the technique you use to conjure. When you open your eyes, a clear liquid akin to water floats above your fingers, spinning lazily. 

"Open wide," You joke, riding the rush that conjuring always gives you. 

"I hate it when people show off." Illumi shoots you a pointed look, opening his mouth. 

"I was just joking," You mutter. "We're going to examine it first, so you can shut your mouth."

He has the decency to look slightly vexed. _Ha._

The liquid above your palm drips softly into a small bowl you'd taken from your room. 

"Unlike some others we'll be using, this one isn't harmful to your skin, but you don't want it on you for too long even if the chances of it soaking in are low. It takes an average of 5-10 minutes to impact someone fully, depending on the size of the body. Now, I want you to take a look at it, smell it if you like. You'll notice there is no scent, and no color. It's designed to be mixed into drinks or liquids seamlessly like water. If you meet it in the real world, chances are you'll only notice it's there when it's already too late."

You stare down at the bowl. Didn't you say you wouldn't end up like him? Yet here you are, repeating back the same words he used to scare you into submission as a child. 

"Anyway, are you done?" 

Illumi stands before the bowl, eyeing it carefully. "The consistency is wrong. If it was mixed with the right drink, it would rise to the surface like oil."

You blink, staring at him as he tips the bowl to the side to show you. _He's right._ There's a slight delay in the way the liquid swishes around the surface, as if it's not truly water. _Because it isn't._

Damn. Your poisons were renowned on the market for being the closest replica of water that there was. Yet...here Illumi was, pointing out a flaw that even you couldn't see. You wonder what someone like him could have done if he had been granted an ability like yours in your place. 

You wonder if he's thinking the same thing. 

You clear your throat. 

"Well, it's a lucky thing that most don't have your eyes. Shall we begin?"

He straightens, taking the bowl to his lips and swallowing it. He sets the bowl down quietly back in it's place on the table. 

_Now we wait._ Wait. You glance around. 

"Do you have a hair tie anywhere?"

He shakes his head. 

"A string?"

You glance down at his shoes, but they're laceless, like slippers. _What is he, a toddler?_ You glance back up at him. Or maybe a grandpa?

"Why do you need one?" He asks, giving you a look of distaste. 

" _I_ don't. You're the one who just drank poison that makes you vomit blood."

"Ah." He ponders it for a second. "No need."

Now it's your turn to side eye him. Your eyes follow a stray strand of hair as it floats down, all the way to his waist. 

Somehow, you are starting to believe the man in front of you is some type of smart idiot. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welcome back to Pins and Needles! Apologies if there are any errors, I don't often edit my writing. Hope you stick around for the next upload. :)
> 
> PS. I dunno about you guys, but I love Illumi's choice in footwear.

**Author's Note:**

> That's all for today, but don't worry there will be much more interaction with Illumi and you in the next couple of chapters. I'm trying not to progress this too fast as I want there to be some build up with their relationship, but I promise not all of the writing will be this slow. Until next time!


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